Gef the talking Mongoose from the Isle of Man

People may not know about Gef, but I do.

He was born in New Delhi in 1852 to quite an affluent family, considering he was a Mongoose.

There are many stories about Gef that pre-date this blog, as I am only just writing this, so that makes sense.

Gef used to live in the walls of the Irvings house on the Isle of Man. The reason he lived in the walls has always been quite a contentious subject, but I have always believed it was because he was ridiculed  for trying to wear really bright red trousers, and the Irvings just couldn't cope with it.

Many stories written about Gef confirmed that he hasn't been sighted for a very long time.

I can prove otherwise.

Yes fair enough he lost contact with a lot of people once MSN Messenger stopped, but who didn't?

Gef currently lives at RSPB Leighton Moss, and although he struggles with phone reception at some parts of the reserve, he will always answer once he is back in signal.

Gef is currently collecting charity donations for Christmas presents for Deaf Bullfinches.

But his advert for donations does say "Send me throw cushions and I will fucking cut your throat".

God bless Gef.

Guest Blog By A Friend I Met In Colchester

HI Everyone.

I am Sol Butamol.

My breathing may be a trouble at times, but I have really strong shins.

I agreed to do a little post here for Thomas after he stopped buying the Daily Mail.

Fair enough, he only bought the Daily Mail to line his rabbit hutch, but that rabbit ran away 18 months ago and he carried on buying it.

My main interests are wheezing, coughing, and putting plastic things in my mouth.

None of my garden furniture matches, but I just get on with it.

Sting's appearance in Quadrophenia really upsets me and the people I live with.

I don't really think I need to go on much more, as I don't really have anything else to say other than urban foxes like a good cuddle every now and again.

Thanks

SB

The Up To Date Life Of The Drummer Who had dread Locks In The Pop Group Hanson And His Conservation Efforts

Not sure what his name is so I will call him Jim, he doesn't really need a name but it will help tell his story better. No, Barry. He was/is called Barry. No surname, just like a Brazilian Footballer.

Think he might be Hungarian actually but that doesn't really matter.

Barry once saved a Narwhal from it's own reflection after it got itself in a kerfuffle with a new bathroom mirror in B&Q.

After the success of the worldwide hit 'Mmmbop', Barry always agonised  whether he should have put a 'H' at the front of the song title.

Barry is still recording songs, his new prog rock album 'Why are we killing Badgers when science proves it is the wrong thing to do' is currently at production stage.

Barry is really looking forward to his first snowball fight of the upcoming winter.


Sadly Barry had nothing else to say, he realised the red lights in his LA Lights trainers had stopped working so went off to write an angst ridden song.

A Friend And His Hatred Of Being Named

Hi friends.

This is going to be a subject close to my heart, as, well, it is basically.

This post is about one of my friends that I feel a lot for, but he hates a lot of things so I struggle at times to give him piggy backs.

These are some of the things he hates:

Dry Stone Walling
prescription Shoes
Pastry
Transcripts He Doesn't understand
Gravity
Jack Fulton's

Joe (false name so I can at least be perpendicular) doesn't eat fish, but he eats Mink and the odd Weasel.

"Joe" also lives his life by pretending to be a Sunflower in an otherwise Sunflowerless world. Joe tries.

If you ask 'Joe' what his favourite painting is, he will tell you that it's Artex.

'Joe' once watched A Nightmare Before Christmas in March.

"KITE FLY KITE FLY KITE FLY" Is the reason 'Joe' got thrown out of Bridlington bingo for a false start.

'Joe' Thinks Petula Clark is Bill Murray.

Katy Perry

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE A LIGHTNING CRAB?

DRIFTING THROUGH THE FOG, WANTING TO START ON BEN?

DO YOU EVER FEEL, SO PAPER THIN?

THAT YOU EXPECT ORIGAMI TO NOT BE A SPORT AGAIN EVEN IN FUTURE OLYMPICS OR JUST GENERAL SPORTING EVENTS THAT WOULD ADD CHARISMA OR BONUS POINTS?

TABLE LADDERS AND CHAIRS MATCH:Public Bridleway's V Miley Cyrus V The Badger Cull

I can remember the first ever Tables Ladders and Chairs match. 

Sadly Working Men's Clubs aren't frequented as much on a Sunday Lunchtime these days. 

While the title of this post is like a proper war and ting, I don't mean I am going to compare them against each other. If I did the badger cull would win due to a complete lack of morality. I just want to have a short talk about all three of the items in the basket. 

Public Bridleways:

The sexy cousin of a public footpath. Harder, more shocking to the eye of a deaf person, and definitely a place I would love to open a Haberdashery if I got the planning permission. 

  

Miley Cyrus:

Don't break her heart, she might not understand. But deep down she will. 

A lot has been made of this lady of late, me personally, I think she is OK. It's not like she is risking her life by rebuilding drystone walls or provoking Koalas. Her favourite film is Ghostbusters 2, and I can't fault that. 

The Badger Cull:

Now then, this really is a bit of a sickly thing going on. The badgers can't fight back due to the Government confiscating all of their boxing gloves and Cat O Nine Tails.

The Government are wanting to eradicate these fierce cuddly bastards, just so them farmer types can buy new goalposts that they can move. 

My next post will be less serious, and I might have some paintings of bridges or storage compartments or snowflakes. 

Anti-Virus Software

That's right, I want to be a bit serious in this Blog.

Flu Jab.

It is that time of year again, where people start wearing more maroon in their everyday knitwear, and start checking out all of the local grit boxes to see if there is enough pizza shop flyers stuffed in them because the person they paid to deliver them by hand got bored and realised that it was their mums birthday meaning they had to rush to the nearest card shop to get a card then forget to find a pen and they have locked their keys in the car where their favourite Bic was so they can't write the card so they just move to Algeria so they don't have the trouble of a disappointed mother.

Flu jabs are really important if you are retired or suffer from Asthma or other breathing problems. Or if you don't have a coffee table.

This morning I went to the Doctors for a routine check up and it was full of the above sort of people.

I walked in smoking my cigar and the first old retired couple remarked " Well somebody smells of cigarettes". My immediate retort was "well someone smells of piss" and then off I went to the chemist.

Flu jabs do safe lives though, I like to refer to them as the medical worlds equivalent of a cars airbag.

That comparison comes from the fact I don't have a driving license so I don't have a car, and the fact I haven't had a flu jab.

Just a bit further up there ^ I used the word Chemist when I normally use Pharmacy. First and last time.

Thanks

Thought I would Mention My Love of Wildlife

HI FRIENDS.

I thought I would mention my love of wildlife as I love wildlife. below is going to be a list of the rarest things I have seen from the wildlife world and from other areas of things. I will also name the places I saw them

Pink Pigeon (Mauritius)
Saddam Hussein (TV)
Black Tern (Humberstone)
Alpine Swift (RSPB Bempton Cliffs)
Morally wrong young adult (Jeremy Kyle, TV)
Deceased Emperor Penguin (somewhere)
Gary Bushell (stray dog centre trying to pick up women)
Goshawk (Near Agden reservoir)
Michael Palin (Waterstones for a book signing)
Frankie Dettori (Not on a horse)
Rose Coloured Starling (Broomhead Reservoir)
Leslie Ash (watching the Rose Coloured Starling from the water while Lee Chapman was paddle boating)

I really love wildlife and all the things that get involved.

Video didn't kill the radio star. Or Kwik Save.

Or Timpsons Shoe Shop where Legends now stands on Hillsborough Corner.

I can remember when they knocked down the old Interflora over the road from there, What a bastard for pollen spread from rogue Wasps.

I like Pollen spread, I like all Wildlife, In fact I adore it. But sadly, Pollen Spread caused Kwik Safe to go out of business.

This is something I felt very serious about, as I loved the No Frills Crisps, and more importantly the No Frills Fresh orange juice.. A small white package containing liquids. I had been through this experience before and wasn't successful.  It was fruitful, at least.

Moving away from that heartache, here I am now, flossing my own mind in a blog.

Can't really see the David Attenborough DVD I have on due to there being a colossal squid/I can't turn around to face the Television, so I thought I would write this.

Good hello everyone.

I am here on Blogger(capital B) now, but my Border Collie has not had a shit today, so I must go and hope it does on on the neighbours garden while I check on my Moth Trap.